Mental strength drives you the extra mile when brute physicality is not enough. I used to think that sports were all about muscles and strength. The more you train, the more dominant you will be. I realized this misconception when I became active in sports myself. Mental resilience has an immense impact on athletes' performance. The psychological and physical aspects of sports have always been linked, though one often overshadows the other.
I was privileged to interview Philippine team champion fencer Maxine Esteban who shared her insight and experience with mental toughness and its role in her fencing career.
How and when did you begin to take an interest in fencing?
My parents made us try different sports when we were young. They were both athletes and felt it was good for the youth to be engaged in sports. I did excel in most of the sports. I enjoyed figure skating and competed in several local and international competitions. But sometime in 2011, the ice skating rink in Megamall closed and it was during that time when my parents enrolled me in Xavier School where there was a fencing club. I like fencing because I thought the outfit was cool. I also saw the movie The Parent Trap and found fencing to be interesting. It was in 2012 when I was invited to participate in a local competition. I was severely beaten, losing to a fencer my age 15-1. I believe that loss inspired me to train seriously and seek professional coaching.
What motivates you to train rigorously?
It’s sad when people downplay student-athletes and put a negative stereotype of us. I guess one of the reasons why I am motivated to continue is to prove that student-athletes aren’t like what people say we are. As an ME (Management Engineering) junior in Ateneo and the highest-ranked fencer in the country, I think hard work and passion are utter understatements. Sweat, blood, and tears are closer representations. I’ve said this many times, and I think everyone knows how difficult the ME program is. Before, I’d say I do not know what “normal” looks like at all. What's normal for me is having 3 to 4 hours of sleep every day, performing well academically to achieve the grades needed to pass the ME program, flying to and participating in international competitions during weekends, and ensuring that I do well in those competitions, and if I don't, I need to deal with jet lag.
Have you ever wanted to give up?
Giving up is probably not the appropriate word. Doubt my skill maybe, yes. That’s for a couple of reasons.
First is because of the people around me who discredit my achievements. Those who believed that I couldn’t make it.
Second, I was trying to be a jack of many trades. On top of the psychological torture of others, I did not perform well during the 2019 SEA Games, as I bowed out of the quarterfinals. I felt at that time that my skill plateaued. During the pandemic, I had the chance to rest and reflect, and I realized that all I needed was rest. I think God gave me the chance to rest and rethink life's direction. That’s why athletes should be resilient and confident in themselves.
I think even at this very moment, sometimes I also think about putting sports aside. I miss my family very much. Nothing comes close to the happiness of being with them. Secondly, a lot of my batchmates are already doing internships in multinational companies and I get this feeling that I am already behind.
How do you prepare and calm yourself before competitions?
I just try to think of the present match. I don’t think about the outcome because if I do, I won't be able to concentrate on the match. I just tell myself I have nothing to lose and I just have to do my best.
How do you deal with failure?
Well, I just get back up! I try to excel in every endeavor that I put my mind and heart into. My parents gave us a very important value that I have always espoused. They said that “if you do something, make sure that you do it well.” We all have priorities such as academics, sports, extracurricular activities, a business venture, a musical instrument… While always putting academics first, we must always strive to be excellent in everything we do. I discovered later on as I became more mature as a student-athlete, that being excellent does not equate to being the best. Excellence is reaching out for your best. Sometimes I feel like I have failed when I don’t get to inspire other girls because of my many shortcomings and imperfections. In my fencing career, I would like to inspire other girls by making full use of my time and talents, appreciating all the blessings that I have received, embracing the failures and disappointments, and continuing to strive despite all the challenges. In doing so, I can be more for others and Christ.
As a woman, a female athlete, I would like to encourage all girls to take up whatever sport or activity they would find interesting. Challenges or limitations along the way are to be treated as stepping stones and not roadblocks. Gender is not an issue/limitation in any sport. The right attitude and character are most important.
What goal have you set for yourself in terms of your fencing career?
The long-term goal is qualifying for Paris 2024 and the short-term goal is to do well in the world cups and the 2022 SEA Games. I already competed in many competitions starting in January, in Poland, Italy, Mexico, the US, Germany, and in the Italian national championships as part of Comense Scherma, the club I’m affiliated with in Como. I was able to compete individually and with their team all around Italy. I realized I cannot plan for anything long-term because I am currently at the crossroad of my life, and I need to make important choices. I am 21, and soon to graduate. It’s time to think about the realities of life. I am planning to take up a master's degree in one of the Ivy League schools, and focus on my own e-commerce business, and since these are the more important aspects of my life, I think fencing is something that will come secondary and something I will not do beyond 2024.
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