People’s actions can be like homonyms—they can seem like one thing without context, but a whole different thing when given more thought. This is the disappointing side of toxic positivity: people are seen as admirable when they are able to see the “brighter side” of predicaments. In a world that admires happiness or promotes the idea of it, sometimes, it simply becomes too much. Choosing to express your problems—particularly unfortunate ones—is completely up to an individual. Whether or not people relate to it, or agree with it, is another decision others would make. However, understand that there will be times when it is necessary to face these negativities. Toxic positivity should not be the new “norm!” It is frustrating to see this happening, but it hurts more when it’s personally directed as if invalidating the feelings of others.
It is essential for one to realize the power one’s words hold. Phrases such as, “It’s fine, others have it worse,” or “Just deal with it and you’ll be fine,” should not be ways to “comfort” one another. This is toxic positivity. Simply using feel-good quotes and expecting them to somehow make the situation better downgrades the initial problem and relies on its positive side. This concept promotes the narrative that you should always stay positive no matter what. Whitney Goodman’s book, “Toxic Positivity: Keeping it Real in a World Obsessed with Being Happy,” further expounds on this prevailing issue, mentioning common platitudes we’ve all heard at least once: “You have so much to be thankful for,” “Life doesn’t give you more than you can handle,” or “Time heals all wounds.” Goodman explains how these phrases “minimize and also inform the person that their suffering isn’t justified because it’s not ‘the worst.’” When sentences like these are phrased in a ‘reassuring’ manner, it tricks the reader’s mind into believing ideas like these. She adds, “It implies that those who work hard enough and have the right attitude always win in the fight for health” while the people “who are negative always lose.” A site on a book review of her book elaborates more on this.
This kind of behavioe is frequently seen on Tiktok, wherein people interchange encouragement and toxic positivity, while often disregarding a person’s feelings. It then continues the harmful narrative of toxic positivity. Dr. Natalie Hendry attests to this, stating, "We can see toxic positivity on social media when people share content about life's challenges and the only replies are overly positive and ignore that that person might be feeling upset, tired, worried, and so on.” It is clear here that there is a borderline difference between toxic positivity and having a positive outlook on life – a distinctive line between invalidating and being optimistic. Toxic positivity forces the “everything is perfect” belief. On the other hand, a positive outlook would look like negativity not getting the best of you. It’s important not to get confused, as it may unintentionally give off the wrong impression of comfort.
This is the truth: Toxic positivity simply tries to cover the reality that not everything will be cheerful and bright. It’s ironic how the use of toxic positivity was to initially combat the negativities one is facing. But it is clearly backfiring and doing the opposite of its goal. A person could look cheerful, yet feel the opposite. This is life: No one is always happy. It’s a world of pleasant imperfections.