Disclaimer: This article was not written to personally attack anyone, nor was this based on personal experience. The sole purpose of this article is to give a satirical take on heartbreak, especially since February is dubbed “The Month of Love.” None of these examples were written for any viewers to follow or emulate.
The resurgence of roses and Ferrero Rocher chocolates: it’s that time of the year again when the colors of pink and red prevail all around the world. Flowers are given, letters are sent, and feelings are confessed. Cheesy quotes about love experience a revival, and overrated rom-com viewings skyrocket no matter how much they make us want to bleach our eyes out. For a limited time, all we see are hearts, hearts, hearts. But during Valentine’s, the question is always whether they’re broken or not. They say you don’t know what can happen in this day and age and predicting the future is practically impossible. Thus, in the spirit of Valentine's Day, here’s a list of things you should definitely do if (or when) you get your heart broken.
1. Back to the Past
Spain without the s. One fun way to experience this is to scroll through your phone and reminisce about all the memories you shared with said person. You will inevitably think about how different things are now and feel even more alone too.
2. The Band-Aid
Conceal, don’t feel. How better to manage pain than by simply slapping a band-aid on it? Disregard your feelings and distract yourself from thinking about the situation.
3. Gossip Girl
Honestly, my fries could use your saltiness. As the name of the show suggests, you could round up a bunch of people and vent about the person who did you wrong. Might as well also start a cult while you’re at it.
4. Tsunami
Don’t be shy; cry your entire existence out. At this point, you could create an ocean with the amount of tears that you have flooded the floor with. Make a statement when you wake up with puffy eyes and an exceptionally bad mood.
5. Conspiracy Board
By overthinking all the events that happened and creating a whole diagram about them, maybe you’ll find out what went wrong (or not). Stay up all night thinking about the buts and what-ifs in hopes of gaining some strange form of closure. You could also go on stalker mode and study their every move—which is obviously the more appealing, thrilling, and efficient option.
6. Couch Potato
Pros: 0% effort required. Cons: none. Nothing’s easier than lying on your bed and staring at your ceiling all day, thinking about life and getting unnecessarily philosophical. You can become a hermit and eat the pain away—and the best part is, you don’t have to talk to anyone!
7. Gen Z
As soon as possible, go on social media. You will be flooded with posts about everything that’s the opposite of heartbreak. Feel the intense FOMO as you are greeted with reels of people on your “For You” page enjoying or celebrating their love lives. See how long it takes before you throw your device across the room, possibly hitting someone straight in the face.
Well, it was fun while it lasted. It can seem like no matter how hard we try, nothing actually becomes permanent in this world. Jokes aside, despite all of the concrete walls we run head-first into in life, we must always remember our values and priorities. Life still goes on whether we like it or not, so we might as well make living it worthwhile. Good luck, though, if you are currently experiencing heartache right now because that’s some terrible timing you got there. xoxo
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